I have a new best friend just for you. 

I know that might sound a little strange, so hang with me here because this was mind-blowing to me, and I hope it is for you as well. 

Let's talk about best friends. What does a good best friend look like? 

It will be different for everybody, but generally, the way I see a best friend is that they're fun to be with. They're interested in fun things or things that you're interested in. They are there for you. They show up for you. They celebrate your birthday. They want to know how you're doing. They have a genuine interest in you. They're willing to pour into you. But in addition to that, they are also there for you when things get crappy. 

It's so important because sometimes we feel vulnerable when sharing with people. But when we do share and are vulnerable, we can be held, and some space is created. There's this beautiful relationship where you share how you're doing, and they hold space for that. They encourage you. They ask how they can support you. Maybe they can give you some helpful advice. They're there for you when things are really hard. When you start to be hard on yourself, they pull you up. 

 

THE BENEFITS OF BEST FRIENDS

Best friends can also be brutally honest but in the most beautiful way. 

I have two best friends. One is my husband, and one is a friend who lives quite a distance away. It's all via technology—voice chat, FaceTime, phone calls, and so forth. My best friends, not only do they support me, not only are they kind and lovely, but they also do call me out on my crap. They often say, "I don't think you've thought about this one well enough," or "Kimberley, I think you're going a little too urgent here. I think that your anxiety might be getting in the way." Or "Kimberley, have you taken care of yourself today? I'm noticing you mentioned you haven't been getting a lot of sleep. Could that be why this is hard for you?"

Best friends aren't just all flowers and roses. They are honest and real. They're there for you when things aren't going well, but they champion you too. They believe in you like nobody else. When you're at your lowest, best friends will be like, "You could do totally that." Or if you're beating yourself up for not being good enough, they're like, "Oh my god, are you kidding me? Look at all the things that you've done." They're so ready to celebrate you, and they see you for way more than you can see yourself. 

That is what I want for you so I will introduce you to your new best friend, and it's you. Your new best friend is you. I want you to think about this because you haven't developed a relationship with YOU enough to be your own best friend. It's something you're going to have to invest in. Your new best friend is YOU, whom I'd like you to meet. Hello friend. This new bestie that you're creating is going to be the person who is there for you no matter what. 

AN INNER BESTIE VS. THE KIND COACH

Let me tell you why I've been thinking about it this way. I wrote a book called The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD, and I talked about the Kind Coach concept. The kind coach is this warm voice inside you that coaches you through hard things. If you were to think about the mean coach you probably had in high school, he's like, "Get down and give me 20," or "Get going, you loser. Run faster." He or she motivates you through criticism and harsh comments and uses a very aggressive voice. 

We don't want that because we know,, based on the research,, that it decreases motivation, increases procrastination, increases punishment, and wreaks havoc on the nervous system and the immune system. We don't want that. Instead, we use this Kind Coach. The Kind Coach encourages us. They know our strengths, and they encourage us based on our strengths. They know our weaknesses, and they don't use our weaknesses to get you moving forward. The kind coach is constantly there, encouraging you to keep going. I love this concept.

But as I recently went through a difficult time, I was using this tool,, and I kept thinking, 'Something isn't landing here. This feels a little too professional.' I didn't want it at that time. While the kind coach has helped me through so many things, I didn't want a coach around when things fell apart for me. What I needed was a bestie, a best friend. I needed somebody who was more like a pal, someone who could be in my pocket. Someone who I felt a little sassier with, someone who I could use my humor with because I needed humor to get through this hard thing. 

THE INNER BESTIE: THE UNCONDITIONAL FRIEND

I was thinking, 'What is it that I need?' This is the golden self-compassion question that you should be asking yourself all the time. What do I need? When I checked in, I was like, "I do. I really need my best friends around." But sometimes my best friends weren't around. My husband would be at work, and my best friend lives far away in a different time zone. They weren't even awake at the time that I needed them. Who do I go to when my best friends aren't there? Some people would say, "It's fine; just go to the next best person." But I needed to be there for myself. 

I giggle as I say this to you because practicing leaning on my inner bestie or my inner mate has been so powerful because there's a playfulness to this where you get to goof off with them a little. You get to make fun of it. I really do. I make fun of myself quite regularly, but not in a critical way—in a way where I'm like, "It's really cute and goofy that I do that." Often,, when I think of things that I'm not super proud of, I go, "I love that I am a little goofy." My family always makes fun of me because I love taking bites out of things, like everything. There's often something like a banana that's got a little piece cut off, or if we get a box of chocolates, I take a bite out of every single one and put it back in there because I just want to taste all of them. I'm okay to giggle at that. I want to be able to giggle with my best friends about how that's my little quirky thing. 

A best friend is someone who is always there for you. They're okay to giggle. They're okay to warm, be warm, and connect. They're okay to be firm and redirect you when you're totally off track. Over the last few months, I've befriended this friend so much. I call this friend 'babe,' and babe and I have conversations together. As I'm getting ready, I'll be like, "Okay, babe, it's cool. We're doing this together. It's going to be a hard day. You've got this, this, and this to go through. What do you need, babe?" We have a conversation, and it's me. It's not anybody else. It's not the voice of a coach; it's me—my inner bestie, the one who's always going to be there for myself. 

THE VOICE OF THE INNER BESTIE

As I've gone through these challenging times, I think this voice feels so grounding. I trust her more than I've ever trusted the kind coach. I'm not saying there's no place for the kind coach, but this is the next level for me. 

Here's what I want you to do: I want you to find a piece of paper, and I want you to either draw and/or write what this inner bestie is for you and what they look like. They're you, but how they sound, how they look. What do they say to you? How do they say it? What's their body language? How do you talk to it? For me, it's a different way of relating to myself. Now I'm talking to myself like, "Hey, babe, I got you." It's a little more conversational, a little bit more interactive. But that's what best friends are. 

Let's also think about how we treat our best friends. One thing I have learned mostly through therapy is how to be a good wife. When I say good wife, I mean, just for me, how to stand next to my husband and encourage him. Even if I'm slightly annoyed, how can I pour into him? How can I show him how much I appreciate him? Even if that doesn't come naturally in the season that I'm in, how can I encourage him? How can I check in with him? I have to think about that consciously. 

What I want you to do is think about how you can relate to your new best friend—you, your inner bestie—and also how you can pour into your best friend this inner bestie. Can you check in with it more often? Can you send it love more often? Can you ask how we can be in a relationship? What does it need? I want you to practice having a daily check-in. You can't just have a best friend and take the benefits but ignore them and their needs as well. This is what I want you to journal down. 

I am also fine if you want to give it a name. I call mine 'babe,' as I said before. "Hey babe, how are you doing? What do you need?" It calls me babe, and we talk to each other that way. In fact, that's how I talk to most of my friends. I call them babe. Then, I want you to check in with them as much as you can. I want you to start having conversations. 

When I was struggling, I started recording myself talking to Babe on my phone and saving it. As I'm getting ready, I'm saying, "Hey babe, you've got a hard day." This is babe talking to me; I'm talking to it. "You've got a hard day. I'm so sorry you're going through this. That sucks. This is just so much. I'm proud of how you got up today. Even though you didn't sleep very well, I'm proud that you didn't lose it on that one person who ran into you at the supermarket because you're so overwhelmed and you have so much going on. That was pretty impressive." Or, "Hey babe, it is so cool how you regulated your emotions at that moment. That was impressive." "Hey babe, I know you didn't do so well at that moment, but I love how you're coming to me and aligning again. you've come back to me. that's cool." Some days I might go, "Hey babe, anxiety's here today.  Alright, we know what to do. We should have expected it, but it's all good. we're going to go with anxiety. it's going to come along with it. what do you need?"

This conversation that we're having back and forth doesn't make you crazy. It doesn't mean anything's wrong. What it means is that you are starting to talk to yourself in a way that you deserve, that you need to be respected, and that you deserve to have that person. This is what we want to do. 

The cool thing is, if you follow me on Instagram or YouTube, I'm starting to do way more videos where I talk to myself through the lens of my inner bestie. I'm having those conversations. I'm brushing my hair as I talk to myself. I am brushing my teeth. I'm doing the dishes. I'm writing checks if I have to be writing checks. I'm practicing it in all the little places, and I'm trying to show you how to do it so you can go follow me there and see for yourself. But I want you to think about this. The new best friend is here, and you get out what you pour into it. Give it a try. I really, really believe in this. 

If this is a bit awkward for you, that's okay. There's no problem with the awkwardness. Let it be awkward. If it feels a little wrong or weird, that's okay too. Let it be weird and awkward and strange and uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with getting used to these feelings. You might even say, "Hey, babe, it's weird to talk to you. This feels odd. I'm not so sure about this." Then you might even listen and be like, "Yeah, it's okay that it's uncomfortable." 

You might even have your babe in my accent, and that's fine as well. What we are really trying to do is get an inner dialogue that is kind, that's got a little sass to it, and that's got a little punk to it, whatever you like. That is exactly what you need, because what I need in a best friend might be different from what you need. Sometimes your best friend needs to be total sassy, like doesn't take crap from anybody and stands up for you no matter what. If that's what you need your babe to be, go ahead. Let your babe be that. 

Take what you need. Leave the rest. Play around with this. But I would say give it a full 30 days. Practice having an inner bestie, connecting with and pouring into that inner bestie for 30 days, and you'll be shocked at how your inner narrative changes. 

Have fun with your best friends. I cannot wait to hear how this aligns with you and how it's helping with any struggles that you're having. Please let me know on social media if you have any questions. You can catch me on Your Anxiety Toolkit on Instagram or YouTube.

Have a great day, everybody, and it's a beautiful day to do hard things.

Imagine being able to walk into a crowded room without feeling your heart pound out of your chest. Envision yourself confidently striking up conversations with strangers or going about your day without being overwhelmed with the fear of being judged by others. 

If social anxiety has been holding you back from enjoying life, it's time to take on an exposure challenge and learn how to feel more confident in your skin when you are in public.

In this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, we will explore one of the most well-known, science-based, and effective strategies for overcoming social anxiety. From gradual exposure to uncomfortable social situations to building a support network, you'll discover practical steps to overcome the grip of social anxiety.

Recently, I overheard a therapist (of all people) say that letting our clients experience distress is harmful.  When I heard this, I gasped.  This idea and this narrative concerned me so much.  We have become so fixated on never feeling distressed that we fuel our anxiety and emotions.  

Now, I get it. I am not in the business of being a therapist to make people feel terrible. Quite the opposite. However, one of the most powerful messages I give my clients is that we can learn to compassionately and effectively navigate distress because distress is a natural part of being a human.  

If we have anxiety and we are committed to not feeling it, it will control every aspect of our lives. If you have social anxiety and you are committed to never being uncomfortable, social anxiety will take everything you love from you, including your future. 

Today, we are focusing on pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and facing your fears.  What you will learn is that you'll gradually build your confidence and become more at ease in social settings. 

With each small success, you'll grow more robust and more resilient, expanding your social circle and embracing new opportunities.

My hope is that you don't let social anxiety hold you back any longer.  Today, I am going to give you a 30-day Social Anxiety Challenge.  I have seen this work for my clients repeatedly, and I am confident it will change your life, too. 

Before we get started, let's first make sure you have a good understanding of social anxiety. 

UNDERSTANDING SOCIAL ANXIETY

Social anxiety, also known as social phobia, is a common mental health condition characterized by an intense fear and anxiety in social situations. It goes beyond mere shyness and can significantly impact an individual's daily life. People with social anxiety often experience excessive worry about being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated in social settings. This fear can be so overwhelming that it leads to avoidance of social situations altogether.

One thing I always share with my students and clients is that while Social anxiety is considered an anxiety disorder, I agree with Christopher Germer, a well-known psychologist who has been on the show (episode 199), that social anxiety is as much a shame disorder as it is an anxiety disorder.  

From my experience, people with Social anxiety struggle immensely with shame, and this powerfully painful emotion can disrupt so much of someone's life. It can increase the incidence of depression and even suicidal ideation. 

Having social anxiety can leave you feeling like a fool, awkward, and alone.  Commonly, people with social anxiety withdraw and isolate, only making themselves feel more alone, defective, and often more depressed. 

Social anxiety can have a profound impact on various aspects of a person's life. It can hinder their ability to form and maintain relationships, limit their career prospects, and diminish their overall quality of life. Simple tasks such as making a phone call, attending social gatherings, or speaking in public can elicit intense anxiety, leading to avoidance behaviors and missed opportunities. The constant fear of being evaluated negatively by others can create a cycle of self-doubt and isolation.

But today, we will put our entire attention to turning this around for you.  Today, I am going to give you a 30-day Social Anxiety Exposure challenge where you face your fears and take your life back from social anxiety.  

The 30-day Social Anxiety Exposure Challenge: What is it and how does it work

The exposure challenge is a science-based therapeutic technique widely used in the treatment of social anxiety. It involves deliberately facing feared social situations in a gradual and controlled manner. The goal is to help you habituate to your anxiety-provoking situations and develop a sense of mastery and confidence. 

Exposure can be done in real-life situations or through imaginal exposure, where you vividly imagine yourself in anxiety-inducing scenarios. Today, we are going to focus on real-life situations because I wholeheartedly believe that is where the money is. I have seen it work with hundreds of my clients. 

Exposure works by activating the fear response and allowing you to experience the anxiety you feel. Over time, repeated exposure to the feared situations helps retrain your brain, reducing the anxiety response and building resilience and confidence. It is important to note that exposure should always be done at a pace that feels manageable for you, and seeking professional guidance can be beneficial in designing an exposure plan tailored to your specific needs.

What are the Benefits of doing a 30-day social anxiety exposure challenge?

Facing your social anxiety through exposure can have numerous benefits. Firstly, it allows you to confront and challenge your irrational beliefs about social situations. By repeatedly exposing yourself to feared situations, you'll begin to gather evidence that contradicts your negative thoughts (such as “everyone hates me,” “They will think I am an idiot,” or “I will make a fool out of myself”), gradually reshaping your perception of social interactions. This process can lead to increased self-confidence and a more positive self-image.

Exposure also provides an opportunity for skill-building and learning. As you face your fears and navigate social situations, you'll develop new coping strategies and important social skills. These skills will help you manage anxiety and enhance your ability to connect with others and build meaningful relationships in ways that feel authentic to you. The more you expose yourself to different social scenarios, the more adaptable and resilient you become in handling various social challenges.

THE 30-DAY SOCIAL ANXIETY EXPOSURE CHALLENGE RULES

Okay, before we get started, please know that you can either do these in the exact order or you can put them in the order of easiest to hardest.   My only tip is to make sure you do at least one of these exposures per day. You get extra points if you do them many many times, as this is how you will really learn the most. 

Tracking your progress and celebrating small victories is essential for maintaining motivation and building confidence. Keep a record of your exposure activities, noting the level of anxiety experienced and any positive outcomes or insights gained. Reflecting on your progress can help you see how far you've come and provide a sense of accomplishment. Celebrate each small victory, no matter how insignificant it may seem. Recognize that every step forward is a step closer to overcoming social anxiety and living a fulfilling life.

Other tips: 

• Plan ahead.  Some of these exposures will require some planning and arranging.  Do not let fear stop you or make too many excuses.  You will only get out what you put in.
• Do these exposures with kindness ONLY.  The biggest goal is to not criticize yourself at all. Do the best you can. Catch yourself when you are going down the self-loathing rabbit hole. 
• Challenge your negative thoughts about yourself and be your biggest cheerleader. 
• Once the exposure is over, you are not allowed to think about what happened. Try not to ruminate about it.  
• Celebrate your wins.  Set up a reward for completing the challenge.  Or several rewards throughout hte 30 days. 
• If you find one of them easy, try to double up and add something challenge to the challenge. 

 

THE 30 DAY SOCIAL ANXIETY CHALLENGE PLAN

Day 1: Take a walk in public and give eye contact to 5 people. 

Day 2: Take a walk in public and give eye contact and a smile to 5 people. 

Day 3: Take a walk in public, make eye contact, smile, and greet five people. 

Day 4: Go to the mall or a store and make small talk with a cashier.

Day 5: Ask a stranger for directions.

Day 6: Order food at a restaurant without rehearsing.

Day 7: Compliment 5 strangers.

One Week Check-in: What thoughts are you having? 

Day 8: Attend a social event without a close friend.

Day 9: Speak up in a meeting at work or school.

Day 10: Join a club or group related to a hobby.

Day 11: Make a phone call instead of sending a text or email.

Day 12: Practice introducing yourself to 2 new people.

Day 13: Start a conversation with someone in a waiting room.

Day 14: Sit in the front row during a presentation or class or at the movies.

Day 15: HALF WAY: Join a public speaking group, like Toastmasters.

Day 16: Share a personal opinion in a group setting.

Day 17: Attend a social gathering and stay for a set amount of time.

Day 18: Initiate a conversation with someone you find intimidating.

Day 19: Go to a party and introduce yourself to at least three new people.

Day 20: Take a class in improv or acting.

Day 21: Sing karaoke in front of others or sing as you walk down the street.

Day 22: Ask someone for help in a store.

Day 23: Participate in a team sport or group exercise class.

Day 24: Initiate a conversation with someone sitting alone.

Day 25: Practice saying “no” in various social situations.

Day 26: Give a compliment to a coworker or classmate.

Day 27: Ask someone to coffee or a casual outing.

Day 28: Go to a new place and ask a stranger about the best things to do there.

Day 29: Introduce yourself to your neighbors.

Day 30: Share a positive personal achievement with others.

There you go!  There is your 30-day Social Anxiety  Life after the Exposure Challenge.

As you continue to face your fears and engage in exposure activities, you'll gradually notice a shift in your confidence and ability to navigate social situations. Embrace this newfound confidence and allow it to propel you forward in life. 

Your social world will expand with each successful exposure, and opportunities for personal and professional growth will arise. 

Remember that overcoming social anxiety is a journey, and setbacks may occur along the way. Be kind to yourself, celebrate your progress, and continue to challenge yourself to reach new heights of confidence and self-assurance.

Don't let social anxiety hold you back any longer. Step out of your comfort zone, face your fears, and embrace the incredible potential that lies within you. I always say, “Today is a beautiful day to do hard thing.” You deserve to live a life free from the shackles of social anxiety.  Get going with this challenge as soon as you can. I promise that you will not regret it.

Behind every smile, there can be hidden struggles and pain. You might even be one of those people struggling so much but puts on a smiling face even though you feel like you are sinking.  

Smiling depression, a somewhat new term to describe people who are struggling with high-functioning depression, is a lonely battle that many individuals face. In today’s episode, we dive into the topic of smiling depression, exploring what it is and how it affects those who suffer from it.

IS SMILING DEPRESSION A DIAGNOSIS?

First of all, let me be clear. Smiling Depression is not a specific mental health diagnosis.  Instead, it is a presentation of depression. Unlike well-known symptoms of depression, those with smiling depression put on a facade of happiness. They may appear perfectly fine on the surface, leaving their inner turmoil hidden from the outside world. Unfortunately, this masks the severity of their emotional struggles, making it difficult for others to offer support or understanding.

It is important to acknowledge the hidden struggles of smiling depression and offer compassion and support to those who are silently battling this condition. They are not lying or faking it to deceive you.  Instead, they feel completely trapped. They often see no way but to keep going and keep pretending. They just keep smiling, even though they see an end in sight. They put a smile on their face, and they push through.  Even just saying that makes me want to cry, as I have been in this situation too many times.  I completely understand the pressure (often self-induced pressure) just to keep going and “not complain,” “look at the bright side,” or “be grateful for what I have,” even though I was being crushed with hopelessness, helpfulness and worthlessness. 

My hope is by addressing this topic, we can create an environment where you feel safe to express your true emotions and seek help.  You are not broken. You are not wrong for feeling this way.  And asking for help does not make you weak or bad.  You deserve to have support, love, compassion, and time to recover. 

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF SMILING DEPRESSION

Smiling depression can be difficult to identify, as those who experience it often mask their true emotions behind a smile. However, there are certain signs and symptoms that can help us recognize this hidden condition. 

One common characteristic of smiling depression is the apparent contradiction between a person's outward demeanor and their inner emotional state. While they may appear cheerful, happy, and successful, they may be struggling with feelings of hopelessness, helpfulness, worthlessness, emptiness, sadness, or even thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

Another smiling depression symptom is the tendency to keep their struggles hidden from others. Individuals with smiling depression often feel the need to maintain a facade of happiness, fearing that opening up about their inner turmoil will burden or disappoint those around them. This can lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness, further exacerbating their emotional struggles.

Furthermore, individuals with smiling depression often experience a lack of motivation and interest in activities they once enjoyed. They may withdraw socially, have difficulty concentrating, and experience changes in appetite and sleep patterns. These symptoms, when combined with the constant pressure to maintain a happy facade, can take a toll on their overall well-being.

What I think is very interested is the overlap of Smiling depression and perfectly hidden depression.  We previously did an episode with Margaret Rutherford about perfectly hidden depression which is a form of depression where people become hyper fixated on being perfect to mask their experience of depression.  You can listen that episode on the show notes to learn more. 

THE HIDDEN STRUGGLES OF SMILING DEPRESSION

Smiling depression is not simply a case of "putting on a brave face." It is a complex mental health condition that can have severe consequences if left untreated. While individuals with smiling depression may appear perfectly fine on the surface, they often battle with intense emotional pain behind closed doors.

One of the hidden struggles of smiling depression is the constant pressure to maintain a happy facade. Society often expects individuals to be cheerful and optimistic, making it difficult for those with smiling depression to express their true feelings. This can lead to shame, guilt, and a sense of being misunderstood.

Additionally, the internal conflict between the outward appearance of happiness and the inner turmoil can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Individuals with smiling depression often feel like they are living a double life, constantly hiding their pain while wearing a smile. This internal struggle can affect their self-esteem and overall mental well-being.

Furthermore, the lack of understanding and awareness surrounding smiling depression can make it difficult for individuals to seek help. Since they appear to function well in their daily lives, others often dismiss or overlook their struggles. This can further isolate them and prevent them from receiving their desperately needed support.

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SOCIAL MEDIA AND SMILING DEPRESSION

Social media has become an integral part of our lives in today's digital age. While it has its benefits, it can also contribute to the development and exacerbation of mental health conditions such as smiling depression.

Social media platforms often present a distorted reality where everyone appears to be living their best lives. This constant exposure to curated and idealized versions of other people's lives can create a sense of inadequacy and comparison for individuals with smiling depression. They may feel like they are not living up to the standards set by others, further fueling their feelings of emptiness and sadness.

Furthermore, the pressure to maintain a positive online presence can be overwhelming for those with smiling depression. They may feel compelled to post happy and upbeat content, even when struggling internally. This can perpetuate the cycle of hiding their emotions and feeling isolated from their online communities.

If this is true for you, remember that social media is almost always fake.  It is not the real life of the people you follow. I love seeing posts where people show pictures of themselves looking all glamorous and then show them crying just a few minutes later. Even though I hate that they are struggling, some people are showing what real life is like behind the scenes and I think we all need to remember that. 

COPING STRATEGIES FOR INDIVIDUALS WITH SMILING DEPRESSION

While overcoming smiling depression can be a challenging journey, there are coping strategies that can help individuals navigate their inner struggles and find some relief.

The first coping strategy is to practice self-care. This involves prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time in nature, can help alleviate symptoms of smiling depression. Building a routine with healthy habits, such as getting enough sleep and maintaining a balanced diet, can also contribute to overall well-being. If you want to learn more about health routines for depression, we covered that in a recent podcast episode called Living with Depression: Daily Routines for Mental Wellness. The link to that episode will be in the show notes. 

Seeking social support is another crucial coping strategy for individuals with smiling depression. Opening up to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals can provide a safe space to express emotions and receive support. 

Joining support groups or engaging in therapy sessions can also help individuals develop healthy coping mechanisms and learn from others who have faced similar challenges.

In addition, practicing mindfulness and self-reflection can be beneficial for individuals with smiling depression. This involves being present in the moment, accepting one's emotions without judgment, and exploring the underlying causes of their struggles. Techniques such as meditation, journaling, or engaging in creative outlets can aid in self-discovery and promote emotional healing.

It is important to note that coping strategies may vary from person to person, and what works for one individual may not work for another. The key is to explore different techniques and find a personalized approach that best suits one's needs and preferences.

TREATMENT FOR SMILING DEPRESSION

While coping strategies can be helpful, it is important to acknowledge that smiling depression is still simply a term to describe a serious mental health condition that often requires professional intervention. Seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychiatrist, can provide individuals with the necessary support and guidance to navigate their journey toward recovery.

A mental health professional can help individuals with smiling depression by providing evidence-based treatments, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or medication. To start, the main treatment goal might be to offer a safe and non-judgmental space for individuals to express their emotions and come to terms with the fact that smiling through their pain is not working anymore.  This can be painful and very scary. 

It is crucial to remember that seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards healing. With the guidance and support of a mental health professional, individuals with smiling depression can find the strength to overcome their inner struggles and live a fulfilling life.

CBT treatment will involve addressing any errors in their thinking and also addressing the behaviors that are contributing to their depression.  The real goal of CBT is to compassionately help the person with smiling depression to find new and effective coping techniques, and kind, and move them towards long-term recovery and healing. 

If you are looking for help with depression and do not have access to professional mental health care, or if you are interested in learning new ways to manage your depression, you may want to consider our online course called OVERCOMING DEPRESSION.  Overcoming depression is an on-demand online course that will walk you through the exact steps I take my clients through when they have depression.  I will first help you fully understand the science behind why you have depression, and then I will teach you all about how to create a plan of attack to overcome your depression.  Treatment for depression involves learning a lot about self-compassion and mindfulness. These skills will help you manage strong emotions and the depressive thoughts that you have.  I will teach you how to correct the errors in your thinking, create a schedule that will help you reduce overwhelm and hopelessness, and increase your motivation to get the things that you need to get done I will give you printouts and video training to show you just how to do it all.  If you are interested, go to www.cbtschool.com/depression. 

Just remember, it is not therapy. This is a home study course to show you the steps others have taken to overcome their depression. 

SUPPORT SYSTEMS FOR THOSE WITH SMILING DEPRESSION

Building a strong support system is vital for individuals with smiling depression. Having a network of understanding and empathetic individuals can provide a sense of validation and belonging, helping to counteract the feelings of isolation that often accompany this condition.

Support can come from various sources, including friends, family members, support groups, and online communities. It is important for individuals with smiling depression to reach out and connect with others who have similar experiences. This can provide a safe space for sharing emotions, exchanging coping strategies, and offering mutual support.

Additionally, it is crucial for loved ones to educate themselves about smiling depression and understand the unique challenges faced by those who suffer from it. By learning about the condition, they can provide the necessary support and validation, helping individuals feel heard and understood.

CONCLUSION AND ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THOSE WITH SMILING DEPRESSION

Smiling depression is a hidden battle that many individuals face. Behind their smiles, they may be struggling with intense emotional pain and a sense of isolation. 

If you or someone you know is experiencing smiling depression, remember that you are not alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals. Seek help and support, and remember that there is hope for recovery.

In today's fast-paced and demanding world, it's easy to forget to show ourselves the same compassion and empathy we extend to others. But what if I told you that embracing self-compassion could lead to a happier, more fulfilling life? It's true, and in this article, we will explore the power of self-compassion and how it can positively impact your overall well-being.

Self-compassion is about treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we would show to a loved one. It involves acknowledging our imperfections and mistakes without judgment, and embracing our humanity.

When we practice self-compassion, we cultivate a positive relationship with ourselves. We learn to be more understanding and forgiving, and that inner critic inside us gradually softens. We become more resilient in the face of challenges, and our self-esteem and self-worth improve.

So how can we embrace self-compassion in our daily lives? We will delve into practical strategies and techniques that can help us cultivate self-compassion and create a more loving and compassionate relationship with ourselves.

Join us on this journey of self-discovery and learn how to harness the power of self-compassion for a happier and more fulfilling life.

Understanding Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is about treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we would show to a loved one. It involves acknowledging our imperfections and mistakes without judgment, and embracing our humanity.

When we practice self-compassion, we cultivate a positive relationship with ourselves. We learn to be more understanding and forgiving, and that inner critic inside us gradually softens. We become more resilient in the face of challenges, and our self-esteem and self-worth improve.

Self-compassion is not about self-pity or self-indulgence. It is about recognizing our common humanity and understanding that we all make mistakes and face challenges. It is about being kind and supportive to ourselves, especially during difficult times. By embracing self-compassion, we can free ourselves from the constant pressure to be perfect and allow ourselves to be authentic and vulnerable.

The Benefits of Practicing Self-Compassion

The benefits of practicing self-compassion are numerous and far-reaching. Research has shown that individuals who regularly practice self-compassion experience higher levels of well-being and life satisfaction. They are more likely to engage in healthy behaviors, have better mental health, and experience lower levels of stress and anxiety.

One of the key benefits of self-compassion is its role in fostering resilience. When we are kind and understanding towards ourselves, we are better able to bounce back from setbacks and failures. Instead of beating ourselves up over mistakes, we can learn from them and grow stronger.

Self-compassion also plays a crucial role in our relationships with others. When we are compassionate towards ourselves, we are more likely to show compassion towards others. We become better listeners, more empathetic, and more understanding. This, in turn, leads to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Self-Compassion vs. Self-Esteem

While self-compassion and self-esteem are related, they are not the same thing. Self-esteem is about evaluating ourselves positively and feeling good about our worth and abilities. It is often based on external factors such as achievements, appearance, or social status.

On the other hand, self-compassion is about being kind and understanding towards ourselves, regardless of our achievements or external circumstances. It is about accepting ourselves as flawed human beings and embracing our imperfections. Self-compassion is not contingent on success or meeting certain standards; it is a constant source of support and care.

Research suggests that self-compassion may be a more stable and nurturing source of self-worth compared to self-esteem. While self-esteem can fluctuate depending on external factors, self-compassion provides a consistent and unconditional sense of acceptance and love.

The Science Behind Self-Compassion

The benefits of self-compassion have been extensively studied and documented in the field of psychology. Researchers have found that practicing self-compassion activates areas of the brain associated with positive emotions and well-being. It also reduces activity in the areas of the brain associated with self-criticism and negative emotions.

Furthermore, studies have shown that self-compassion is linked to lower levels of stress hormones, such as cortisol. It has also been found to enhance the functioning of the immune system, improve cardiovascular health, and promote overall physical well-being.

The scientific evidence supports the idea that self-compassion is not just a fluffy concept; it has real, tangible benefits for our physical and mental health.

How to Cultivate Self-Compassion

Cultivating self-compassion is a journey that requires practice and patience. Here are some practical strategies and techniques that can help you cultivate self-compassion in your daily life:

1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and non-judgmentally observing our thoughts and emotions. By practicing mindfulness, we can become aware of our self-critical thoughts and replace them with more compassionate and supportive ones.

1. Challenge your inner critic: Notice when your inner critic is being harsh and judgmental towards yourself. Challenge those negative thoughts by asking yourself if you would say the same things to a loved one. Replace self-criticism with self-compassionate statements.

1. Practice self-care: Take time to prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Be kind to yourself by getting enough rest, eating nourishing foods, and engaging in self-care rituals.

1. Cultivate gratitude: Develop a gratitude practice by regularly reflecting on the things you are grateful for. This can help shift your focus from self-criticism to appreciation and self-compassion.

1. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide a compassionate ear and support. Sometimes, sharing our struggles with others can help us gain a fresh perspective and find solace in knowing we are not alone.

Remember, cultivating self-compassion is an ongoing process. Be patient with yourself and embrace the journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance.

Integrating Self-Compassion into Daily Life

Integrating self-compassion into our daily lives requires conscious effort and intention. Here are some practical ways to incorporate self-compassion into your daily routine:

1. Start your day with self-compassion: Set aside a few minutes each morning to practice self-compassion. This could be through meditation, journaling, or simply reminding yourself of your inherent worth and embracing the day with kindness and love.

1. Practice self-compassion during challenging moments: When faced with difficulties or setbacks, pause and offer yourself words of encouragement and support. Remind yourself that mistakes and failures are a natural part of life, and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend.

1. Create a self-compassion mantra: Develop a mantra or affirmation that embodies self-compassion for you. Repeat it to yourself throughout the day as a reminder to be kind and gentle with yourself.

1. Practice self-compassion in self-talk: Pay attention to your inner dialogue and notice when self-critical thoughts arise. Replace them with self-compassionate statements and affirmations. Be your own best friend and cheerleader.

1. Engage in self-compassionate acts: Engage in acts of self-care and self-compassion regularly. This could be treating yourself to a relaxing bath, taking a walk in nature, or engaging in a hobby you love. Prioritize activities that nourish your soul and remind yourself that you deserve kindness and care.

Remember, self-compassion is a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. With practice, it becomes a natural and integral part of your daily life.

The Role of Self-Compassion in Relationships

Self-compassion not only benefits our relationship with ourselves but also has a profound impact on our relationships with others. When we are kind and compassionate towards ourselves, we are better able to extend that kindness and compassion to others.

Self-compassion allows us to be more empathetic and understanding towards others. It helps us recognize that everyone has their own struggles and imperfections, just like we do. Instead of judging or criticizing others, we can approach them with empathy and kindness.

Furthermore, self-compassion helps us set healthy boundaries in our relationships. We learn to prioritize our own well-being and recognize when we need to say no or take a step back. This allows us to maintain healthier and more balanced relationships.

In romantic relationships, self-compassion plays a crucial role in fostering intimacy and connection. When we are kind and accepting towards ourselves, we are more likely to be vulnerable and open with our partners. This, in turn, creates a safe space for emotional intimacy and strengthens the bond between partners.

Self-Compassion Exercises and Techniques

There are numerous exercises and techniques that can help us cultivate self-compassion. Here are a few to get you started:

1. Self-compassion meditation: Set aside a few minutes each day to practice self-compassion meditation. This involves directing kind and loving thoughts towards yourself, acknowledging your struggles, and offering yourself comfort and support. There are guided self-compassion meditations available online that can help you get started.

1. Writing a self-compassion letter: Write a letter to yourself from a place of self-compassion. Acknowledge your struggles, validate your emotions, and offer yourself words of kindness and understanding. Read the letter whenever you need a reminder of your own self-worth and compassion.

1. Body scan meditation: Practice a body scan meditation to cultivate self-compassion towards your body. Bring attention to each part of your body, noticing any tension or discomfort, and offering words of kindness and acceptance to each area.

1. Self-compassion journaling: Start a self-compassion journal where you can write down your thoughts, emotions, and experiences with self-compassion. Use this journal as a safe space to explore your feelings and practice self-compassion towards yourself.

Remember, these exercises are tools to help you develop and strengthen your self-compassion practice. Explore and experiment with different techniques to find what resonates with you.

Self-Compassion Resources and Books

If you're interested in delving deeper into the topic of self-compassion, here are some recommended resources and books:

1. "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Dr. Kristin Neff: This book explores the science and practice of self-compassion, offering practical exercises and techniques to cultivate self-compassion in daily life.

1. "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown: Although not solely focused on self-compassion, this book emphasizes the importance of embracing our imperfections and cultivating self-compassion as a path to wholehearted living.

1. "Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach: This book explores the concept of radical acceptance and offers mindfulness and self-compassion practices to cultivate a deeper sense of self-acceptance and compassion.

1. Online courses and workshops: Many mindfulness and self-compassion experts offer online courses and workshops on cultivating self-compassion. These resources can provide guidance and support as you embark on your self-compassion journey.

Remember, self-compassion is a personal and individual experience. Explore different resources and find what resonates with you and supports your own self-compassion practice.

Conclusion: Embracing Self-Compassion for a Happier and More Fulfilling Life

In a world that often values achievement and perfection, it's easy to forget the importance of self-compassion. However, by embracing self-compassion, we can unlock the power to live a happier and more fulfilling life.

Self-compassion allows us to be kind and understanding towards ourselves, even in the face of challenges and setbacks. It helps us develop resilience, improve our relationships, and enhance our overall well-being.

Remember, self-compassion is not a destination; it is an ongoing journey. It requires practice, patience, and self-acceptance. Embrace the power of self-compassion and experience the transformative impact it can have on your life. Start today, and be kind and gentle with yourself every step of the way.

If you need an anxiety routine to help you get through the day, you’re in the right place. 

My name is Kimberley Quinlan. I am an anxiety specialist. I’m an OCD therapist. I specialize in cognitive behavioral therapy, and I’m here to help you create an anxiety routine that keeps you functioning, keeps your day effective, and improves the quality of your life. Because if you’re someone who has anxiety, you know it can take those things away. 

Now, it’s so important to understand that generalized anxiety disorder impacts 6.8 million American adults every single day. That’s about 3.1% of the population. And if that is you, you’re probably going to agree that anxiety can hijack your day. It can take away the things that you love to do, it can impact your ability to get things done. 

And so, one of the tools we use—I mean myself as a clinician—is what we call activity scheduling. This is where we create a routine or a schedule or a set of sequences that can help you get the most out of your day and make it so that anxiety doesn’t take over. So if you’re interested, let’s go do that. 

Again, if you have anxiety, you know that anxiety has a way of messing up your day. You had a plan. You had goals. You had things you wanted to achieve. And then along comes anxiety, and it can sometimes decimate that plan. 

AN ANXIETY SCHEDULE

And so the first thing I want you to be thinking about as we go through putting together this schedule is to plan for anxiety to show up. Those of you who show up in the morning and think, “How can I not have anxiety impact my day?” Those are the folks who usually have it impact them the most. So we want to start by reframing how we look at our lives instead of planning, like, “Oh gosh, I hope it’s not here. I hope it doesn’t come.” Instead, we want to focus on planning for anxiety to show up because it will. And our goal is to have a great plan of attack when it does.

MORNING ROUTINE FOR ANXIETY

First of all, what we want to look at is our morning routine for anxiety. We want to have an anxiety routine specifically for the morning. There will be folks who have more anxiety in the morning. There will be folks who have more anxiety in the evening. You can apply these skills to whatever is the most difficult for you. But for the morning routine, the first thing we need to do is the minute we wake up, we want to be prepared for negative thoughts. Thoughts like, “I can’t handle this. I don’t want to do this. The day will go bad.” We want to be prepared for those and have a strategic plan of attack. 

1. COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING

Now, what we want to do instead of going down the rabbit hole of negative thinking is use what we call cognitive restructuring or reframing. During the day, at a time where you’ve scheduled, I would encourage my patients to sit down and create a planned response for how we’re going to respond to these thoughts. So if your brain says, “You can’t handle the day,” your response will be, “I’ll take one step at a time.” If your brain says, “Bad things are going to happen,” you have already planned to say, “Maybe, maybe not, but I’m not tending to that right now.” Let’s say your brain is going to tell you that this is going to be so painful and, “What’s the point? Don’t do it,” absolutely not. I’m going to show up however I can in my lifetime. I’m not going to let those thoughts dictate how I show up. I’m going to dictate how I show up. So we want to be prepared and have a plan of attack for that negative thinking.

2. MINDFULNESS PRACTICE

The second thing we want to do is have a solid mindfulness for anxiety practice. Again, you’re going to start today, and you’ll start to see the benefits of this over the weeks and months, but a mindfulness practice will be where you are able to have a healthier relationship with the thoughts, the feelings, the sensations, the urges, the images that come along with anxiety. 

A big piece of mindfulness is learning how to stay present. As you are brushing your teeth in the morning, you’re noticing the taste of the toothpaste, the feeling of it on your gums, the smell of the fluoride, and the toothpaste that you have. A solid mindfulness practice will help you move through each part of the day’s routine that we’re creating in a way that reduces the judgment, reduces the suffering, reduces the self-punishment, reduces the reactions that you would typically have. 

Now, one of the most helpful mindfulness skills I use and I tell my patients to use—we actually have a whole episode on this. It’s Episode 3. It’s really early on, but it’s talking about being aware of the five senses. Again, as you’re brushing your teeth, what do you smell? What do you see? What do you taste? What do you hear? What does it feel like? And you’re going through systematically these different senses so that you can be as present as you can. And this will help you with panic attacks, anxiety attacks, or just general anxiety that you’re feeling. 

If you’re wanting to deep dive into mindfulness and have a mindful meditation practice, we have an entire vault of meditations that are guided by me that you can look into by going to CBTSchool.com, or I’ll leave the link in the show notes. There is an entire vault specifically for people with anxiety of guided meditations to help you with different emotions, different sensations, different experiences, different struggles that you may be having. That’s there for you. 

4. GET SOME EXERCISE 

Now the next thing I want you to do in the morning is get some kind of movement activity going. Again, this doesn’t have to be going for a run, but it could be a light walk, some stretching, some yoga. It could be going to the gym and lifting weights, but try to get your body moving. There is a lot of research to show that exercise can be as effective as medication. That’s mind-blowing, and it’s free. It’s something you can do from home, and it’s something that doesn’t have huge side effects except for the fact that it’s not as fun as we would like it to be. But create a routine. It doesn’t have to be every day, either. You might put in your schedule that you just do it a couple of days a week, and that’s a great start. But try to at least stretch, move your body, maybe move around the house, light dancing, whatever floats your boat, but get your body moving. 

5. NOURISH YOUR BODY WITH FOOD  

The next morning routine activity that I really want to stress is to nourish your body with food. And I picked the word “nourish” very intentionally. I’m not just saying put breakfast in your mouth because I want you to be thinking of food as something that’s fueling your body so that you can be at your best. Again, I believe strongly there is no right or wrong food or good or bad food, but I want you to think about, “How can I nourish my body? Do I need some water? Would it be nourishing to have too much coffee?” Again, coffee is not super helpful if you’re someone with anxiety, and it’s something you should limit as well. So, really be intentional about the food that you nourish in your body.

6. SET AN INTENTION FOR THE DAY

And then the last piece of the morning routine for anxiety is to set an intention for a day of kindness. You are committing to kindness all day. If that doesn’t feel good to you, flip it to “I am committing to no self-punishment, no self-judgment, no self-criticism.” That can be a really effective goal. “Okay, if I’m going to do one thing today, I’m committing to no judging,” because literally, there is no benefit to any of those things. Criticism, punishment, judgment, self-loathing, none of it. There’s no benefit. It doesn’t motivate you if you think that is true. It’s actually been proven incorrect by science. These things are not the motivators. We want to work at reducing those. And there are tons of other episodes on the podcast talking about that. 

So, that’s what we’re going to focus on for the morning routine. 

STRUCTURING YOUR DAY FOR ANXIETY ROUTINE

Now we’re going to move on to structuring your day and creating an anxiety routine that is effective for you throughout the day. Now I want to first acknowledge that I don’t know how much you have going on in the day. Some of you are working two jobs, some of you are a stay-at-home mom, some of you don’t have a job at all, some of you are at school. Everybody’s schedule is going to be different, but I want you all to be thinking about these ideas. 

1. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU DID NOT HAVE ANXIETY? 

The first one is plan and organize your day around what you would do if you didn’t have anxiety. Sit down and really think about it. “If I didn’t have anxiety today, what would I get done? How would I show up? What activities would I do?” And make sure you schedule those into your schedule because the main thing that you have to know about someone with anxiety is anxiety will interrupt your day and take you away from the things that you value. So please, please, please, think about this question: What would I do if I didn’t have anxiety? And your job is to schedule and try and get as many of those things done as you could. We don’t want anxiety to run the show here. 

2. PLAN YOUR DAY 

The next thing I want you to do is use a planner to activity schedule these things. There are apps to help track tasks and appointments. Do your best to plan and to have structure. People with anxiety and depression need structure. It helps us to be so overwhelmed and chaotic in our brain to have some structure. And believe me, some people will say, “No, it feels too controlled, and it takes away my creativity.” No. In fact, people who have structure tend to report feeling more creative because their day isn’t so overwhelming and they have a little bit of control over where they’re doing, what they’re doing, and where they’re going.

Now, if you struggle with this, we have an entire course for this as well. It’s called The Optimum Time Management for Mental Health. I walk you through specifically how to manage time, specifically for those who have anxiety, depression, and OCD. I had to create this for myself. I had to read a whole ton of books and take courses. I found none of them really approached it from the perspective of those who had a mental health or a medical issue. And so I created that course specifically for those who struggle in that area. You again can go to CBTSchool.com to get information about that. 

3. SET REALISTIC GOALS 

Now, as you are structuring your day and planning your day, you have to be really intentional about setting realistic goals and prioritizing what’s important. Sometimes when I look at the things I want to get done, there could be like 15, 20, 30 things to do. I know I’m not going to get all of those done, so I have to sit down and go, “Okay, which are the most urgent? Which are the things that must take priority?” and work at prioritizing those.

Again, as you do those things, you’re going to be using those mindfulness skills that we’ve already talked about. staying present. You’re going to be using your willingness skills that we often talk about here on Your Anxiety Toolkit. Bringing compassion, radical acceptance, willingness to be uncomfortable—you’re going to bring those with you throughout the day. Again, we are planning for anxiety to come with us every part of the day.  

4. SCHEDULE BREAKS IN YOUR DAY 

Now another important thing to do here is to schedule breaks. If you have anxiety, you know as much as anybody that anxiety is exhausting. Schedule breaks, but no breaks where you’re scrolling on Instagram. That’s not a true break. That doesn’t actually give your brain a break. Go outside, sit in nature, listen to some music, read a book, do something that doesn’t drain your battery, do something that increases your battery. It might be taking a walk or doing something active, but make sure you plan those breaks. 

5. SCHEDULE THERAPY HOMEWORK 

The next thing to do, and you have to do this every day, specifically if you have an anxiety disorder, is schedule your therapy homework. If you’re not in therapy, still schedule time to be doing something that helps you to work on your mental health, even if it’s correcting those thoughts that we talked about at the beginning of this episode. We want to make sure that with planning times to do exposure and response prevention, with planning time to do our mindfulness practice, with planning time to do our, again, cognitive restructuring, making sure that you’ve scheduled that helps you with your long-term recovery. Not just the recovery of today, not just getting through today, but when we schedule time to do our homework, it means that we push the needle forward in our recovery. 

EVENING ANXIETY ROUTINE

Now we’re going to move on to the evening anxiety routine. This is where we prioritize unwinding for the day. You’ve used all your energy, you’ve taken anxiety with you, you’re exhausted. 

1. CELEBRATE YOUR WINS 

Number one, you have to celebrate. Celebrate what you did get done. Write down what you got done. Because so often, when we have anxiety, we go, “Oh, it’s not a big deal. Everyone can do that. I shouldn’t be celebrating.” No, you’ve got to celebrate this stuff. You’re working your butt off. And so we have to make sure that we’re celebrating every win, even if it’s just one teeny win for the day. 

2. WIND DOWN FOR SLEEP (SLEEP HYGIENE) 

The evening is where we must prioritize winding down for sleep. Sleep hygiene is maybe the most important part of your recovery in that it will set you up to do well tomorrow. If you’re like me, not having a good night’s sleep means your mental health hits the trash tomorrow. So we want to start the evening on how can we reduce the impact of being on technology. Do a digital detox if you can, at least an hour before bed. Do something relaxing. Do something pleasurable. Read, take a warm bath, take a walk, garden, talk to a friend, connect with them—anything you can do. Make a lovely meal, watch a funny TV show, whatever you can do to bring yourself down and rest and repair for the day so that you can be ready for bed and moving into the nighttime routine. 

3. CREATE A NIGHTTIME ROUTINE WITH A CONSISTENT WAKETIME

You will need a nighttime routine. Have a time or an alarm. You could get an Apple Watch or set an alarm on your phone to prompt you to moving towards the bedroom routine where you brush your teeth or you wash your face or you light a candle or you brush your hair or you start reading, turn the sheets down. Whatever that is, set a timer so that you are prompted to go to bed on time. 

What we want to do with anxiety is have a very solid routine of waking up at the same time and falling asleep at the same time, as much as possible that you can achieve. That internal body clock of yours really benefits by having it be as balanced and as routine as we can.

LIFESTYLE CONSIDERATIONS FOR YOUR ANXIETY ROUTINE

Now, there are some lifestyle considerations you have to consider here if you have anxiety. Number one, you have to also make sure that you’ve had some time for connection. And some of you are like, “No problem. I’ve had connection during the day or my colleagues at work or my family or my partners or my friends.” That’s great. But if you’re somebody who has anxiety and it’s kept you home alone and it’s kept you in avoidance, now that’s going to be really important that you do some type of connection, have a support system, whether it be a support group that you attend or a therapist that you go to because that again is so important for your long-term recovery.

1. MEDICATION AND THERAPY

In terms of overall, we may want to incorporate some kind of medication or therapy into your day or into your week. You may need to set alarms to remind you to take your medication. That’s okay, too. Please, please utilize as many alarms as you need to help this go as well as you can. Because again, I want to emphasize, anxiety can make all of this routine go out the window. Before you know it, you’ve spent four hours on TikTok, or you’ve gotten into bed and pulled the sheets up and hidden there, or it could be disrupting your day by having you go into avoidance behaviors. Absolutely, I understand that. Please be gentle with yourself. But if you’re somebody who’s really struggling, please do not hesitate to reach out to a cognitive behavioral therapist who treats anxiety. They will be able to help you set up more structure and create a plan specifically for you. 

2. FIND A STRATEGY THAT WORKS FOR YOU

So, what do we need to remember here? Number one, your routine should have some strategy to it. You will have to sit down and plan for it. I spend about an hour a week planning my week. And while that might sometimes feel like a waste of time, having a plan, knowing what I need to do, making sure I’ve prioritized me makes me so much more effective, makes my anxiety management and my recovery so much better. So, sit down and make a plan.

3. BE WILLING TO HAVE SOME HARD DAYS

Remember, anxiety will come along the way. We actually want to invite it. Tell it, “Come on, anxiety, we’re going to get groceries right now. Come on, anxiety, it’s time to have a coffee. Come on, anxiety, let’s go and do the hard thing or do my homework and my exposures.” That is a positive thing. 

4. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF/ PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION

The last thing I want to incorporate here is to be gentle with yourself. There will be days where this falls apart, and that’s okay. Self-compassion for anxiety is so important. 

We’re all learning here. So when it does fall apart, because it will, your job is to take a look and see what happened, what got in the way, how can I plan for that tomorrow so that that doesn’t happen again. 

CONCLUSION

So there you have it. There is the routine that I want you guys to consider. Some things will work for you, some will not. Just take what you need and leave the rest. But this is an anxiety routine that you can play around with, experiment with, and see what works for you. 

Before we end, let’s do the “I did a hard thing” segment. I’m going to try my best to bring this back. This one is from Lindsay, and Lindsay said: 

“I’ve been going through a lapse, or what I like to call a flare-up, for the last month. There have been decent days, blah days, and downright crappy days.” 

We can agree with you, Lindsay. 

“The hard thing I’ve done is to decide it’s time for an ERP refresher, and I have started that this week. I will admit that I’m terrified to be venturing into ERP again. However, I refuse to let fear control me. To anyone who’s going through a lapse or a flare-up, embrace where you are, love yourself, and fight for yourself because you are so worth it.”

And I agree with you, Lindsay. Again, if there’s anything we can do to support you on your journey, go to CBTSchool.com. We have all kinds of courses there that can help you get back into the swing of things or get started. So go to CBTSchool.com, and thank you so much for being here with me today.