Surfing the Worry Imp's Wave
In this week's episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, I had the pleasure of talking to Sharon Selby, Marriage and Family Therapist and Author. Sharon has written an amazing children’s book called Surfing the Worry Imp’s Wave and this book is simply amazing.
Before you turn away thinking, “This doesn’t apply to me. This is about kids stuff!”, wait up! Since reading Surfing the Worry Imp’s Wave, I have been using these techniques with some of my adult clients and they LOVE them too. This episode brings some helpful tools and tricks to manage anxiety and perfectionism (at any age). Surfing the Worry Imp’s Wave is a science-based book using the same mindfulness tools and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) tools I use with some of my clients and members of the CBT School Campus with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Panic Disorder, Health Anxiety, Social Anxiety and Phobias.
During the episode, Sharon discusses her inspiration behind the book, her work with young children who have anxiety and what tools she has found to be super helpful. As I mentioned about, I have found that these tools are helpful for us BIG kids too (adults). Sharon also tells us about some of the games involved in the books and some helpful tools to manage fear, perfectionism, separation anxiety, and panic.
You guys know how much I LOVE a good story or metaphor, and there are plenty in this book. Here is one I want you to think about. In the book, Sharon talks about how our brains need to make mistakes to grow. If we make a mistake, it is like water on a plant. Mistakes help our brains grow into smarter and kinder people. I just adore this part of the book and it is something I have implemented with my young (and old) clients (and me too!). When I make as mistake, I now close my eyes and imagine my brain neurons growing and thriving. This is just one of the wonderful tools that Sharon talks about.
I cannot wait for you to listen to this week's podcast, and read this book. Surfing the Worry Imp’s Wave is a bookshelf must have, if you have kids with anxiety. But don’t forget, THIS big kid loves it too!!!
See the link below to get your hands on Surfing the Worry Imp's Wave:https://www.sharonselby.com/product/surfing-worry-imps-wave-reducing-childrens-anxiety Sharon Selby's free e-book 8 Common Mistakes to Avoid When Your Child Is Anxious is available at: sharonselby.com/free-ebook You can also hear more about Sharon on her Website HERE
Thought Suppression Doesn't Work!!
Anxiety-Related Exhaustion is NO JOKE!One of the most common struggles I hear from my clients and the members of the CBT School Campus is how EXHAUSTING anxiety and depression can be. If you are barraged daily by exhaustion resulting from Anxiety (or any other mental health issue), you are NOT ALONE! Experiencing Anxiety is a full-time job. No one can argue with that. Anxiety can drain us of our physical energy, our emotional energy and can cause us to have nothing left to give at the end of the day. It can make us too tired to be social and make us want to sleep the day away. Anxiety-Related Exhaustion can make us feel alone and like there is no hope for us. If this is you, this is the episode for you. Because you know what?! There IS hope for US! In this podcast, we talk about some mindfulness tools to manage anxiety-related exhaustion. We talk about learning to observe your thoughts and correct them to thoughts that are more helpful and less draining. We also address a few very important mindset shifts you may need to make. You see, when we are overwhelmed with tiredness and anxiety-related exhaustion, we often will begin to feel hopeless and start to believe that there is no end in sight. Everyone tells us, "Just keep going", but we can sometimes feel like we barely have the energy or faith that we need to "just keep going". In this episode, we talk about specific mindset tools that I use with my clients who struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Anxiety, Depression and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRB's). And last of all, I use one of my favorite metaphors for managing Anxiety-Related Exhaustion. You guys know me! I love to use silly metaphors. That being said, I really believe in it and it works. I promise you that it will make you take better care of yourself if you put it in place and prioritize it. Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think and if this is helpful. Also, if you listen on iTunes, please do leave a review. Good reviews help me reach more people and help me get the really important (and inspirational) people on the show. Forward we go, Kimberley
How Advocacy "Keeps Me Well": Interview with Ethan Smith OCD AdvocateDo you ever wish you had someone to inspire you and give you hope about your recovery? Maybe you wish there was a story about OCD or anxiety or mental health that looks similar to yours and you wish you knew how the story turns out? Well, today I give you Ethan Smith OCD Advocate. Ethan Smith (OCD Advocate) was the keynote speaker at the 2014 Annual International Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (IOCDF.org) Conference, the International OCD Foundation National Ambassador, a writer, director, producer and OCD Advocate. Amongst these incredible talents and accolades, Ethan is hilarious and kind and VERY informed about the ins and outs of OCD and the treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). During this interview, Ethan talks about his struggles to find correct therapy, his experience with finding evidence-based treatment such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Ethan also opens up about his draw towards advocacy work, stating that advocacy "keeps him well" and how being honest and open is considered advocacy work. I think we often feel that we have to write a book or start a campaign or a fundraiser to be mental health advocates, but Ethan shares his belief that we ultimately just have to share our story and use our story to help others not feel alone. One of the things I love the most about Ethan is his ability to express compassion and humor in the same sentence. Discussions around Mental Health can feel very heavy, and Ethan has a way of making light of a very heavy topic. Thank you, Ethan, for all that you do. If you feel like sharing your mental health struggles with others is too big of a step right now, consider joining our Facebook Group, CBT School Campus. This group is filled with brave, supportive and compassionate people and was created so you could feel support and connected to others who are working tirelessly on their mental health in a safe and supportive platform. Click here to be taken to the FB group. Click here for Ethan's Keynote Speaker Video DO YOU WANT TO REALLY IMPROVE ON YOUR MINDFULNESS SKILLS FOR OCD? CHECK OUT CBT SCHOOL'S ONLINE COURSE, MINDFULNESS FOR OCD.
If you missed last weeks episode 50 5 Lessons Learned from Hosting Your Anxiety Toolkit
Thank you again for supporting me with this podcast and with CBT Schools online courses. Please click here to find out more about Mindfulness School for OCD.
Today is a special day. Today I share the FIVE LESSONS LEARNED FROM HOSTING THIS PODCAST!
Today marks the 50th episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. I get a little sentimental during this one, but please stick with me.
Let me start by saying that I am so grateful for reaching 50 episodes. When I started this podcast, in my pjs in my kitchen with my sleeping baby next to me as I recorded my first episode, never in my wildest dreams could imagine what it would become. From this podcast came CBTSchool.com, and from CBT school came a community that I could never have imagined.
So Today, on this 50th episode, I celebrate YOU! And, today I want to talk to you about what I have learned and a few of my favorite quotes that I live by (and I promise this will apply to you).In this episode, I share 5 lessons learned by hosting this podcast and I have lived by as I hosted this podcast. I have to be honest. I have learned SO much and I cannot wait to share the lessons with you. I won't pretend it has all been easy. It hasn't. There was a couple of time that this podcast nearly didn't get made. And, there were quite a few times it was made OVER AND OVER! All I can say is that I am so grateful for your support and compassion as I bumped along. If you missed last weeks episode 49 The Content of Your Thoughts Are Not Important Thank you again for supporting me with this podcast and with CBT Schools online courses. Please click here to find out more about Mindfulness School for OCD.
One of the biggest struggles my clients have is when they get caught up in the belief that their specific intrusive thoughts or fears warrant LOTS of attention and moral weight.
This is one of the most difficult things to manage when you are struggling with significant anxiety. We can see that other peoples fears are irrational, but when it comes to our specific fear, we become unglued, confused and reactive.
Here are a few questions that I want you to ask yourself before listening to this podcast.
Have you caught yourself saying any of the following?
1. “It's easy for you to say to, "just accept the thoughts". You don’t have thoughts about hurting someone all day like I do (insert here whatever thought you are obsessing or ruminating on). This thought is WAY worse than other thoughts.”
2. “This isn’t any old thought. This would destroy my life if this thought came true.”
3. “I know I have to accept the uncertainty, but this isn’t just a thought”
These are all examples of getting caught up in our thoughts content.
When we get caught up in the CONTENT of our thoughts we can get stuck in a cycle of anxiety.
When we give our thoughts all of this attention and value, our brains become hypervigilent and get even more worked up about the presence of these thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Please note here, I am in NO WAY telling you this is your fault. This is just the way our brains work. We also have be to careful about our narrative about this thought. If we tell ourselves the thought is "bad", that triggers self-judgment, shame and self-doubt. Then we are off and running, judging ourselves more and putting ourselves down.
Listen to the podcast to hear my FIVE STEPS to help when you are getting caught in the content of your thoughts.
At the end of the podcast, I offer a little Challenge for you.
Observe your thoughts and ask yourself if you could start to make any of these changes in your life.
Thank you again for supporting me with this podcast and with CBT Schools online courses. Please click here to find out more about Mindfulness School for OCD.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I attended and was honored to present at the Southern California OCD Conference ran by socalocd.com. It was such an incredible event and I left with my heart feeling full and mind inspired.The thing about these conferences is that the energy of the attendees is so infectious. At the beginning of the day, the room is filled with anticipation and hope. These conferences are held in hope to give tools and support to those in the community with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. After listening to the keynote speakers and breaking into group sessions where attendees learn tools to manage their OCD (I spoke on Mindfulness and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for OCD), we meet at the end of the day for a final Q&A with the panelists. The room was filled with togetherness. There was a sense of community and cohesion that warmed my heart (and it lasted for days). The next day, I posted on Instagram how honored I was to attend such a beautiful conference and I sent out the message that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I knew a lot of people were not able to attend such a wonderful event and I wanted to spread the love and connection that I was feeling. The response flawed me. Direct Messages and emails came in from those who are struggling with OCD and Anxiety and Depression, reporting how alone they feel. It got me wondering.
Do you feel ALONE in your suffering?Do you feel like no one understands just how hard it is for you? Do you feel like no one could possibly understand what is it like to experience such anxiety and fear and panic?
I am also wondering, Do you feel alone in your bravery?Do you feel like no one understands or appreciates how incredibly brave you are? You get up every day and do your best to get through the day with anxiety and depression and dread. You face your fears, not because you want to, but because you HAVE to. Do you feel so alone that you feel angry? Maybe you are so angry and hurt because no one else you know has to face their fears every single day, day in and day out.
Do you feel alone because everyone else seems to do the thing that you fear so easily?If any of this describes you, this episode is for you. You are NOT alone! Click the below link to be added to the group. I would LOVE to have you join us.
Link to OCD So Cal Below:OCD SoCal is an affiliate of the International Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation (IOCDF)
Why can't I just distract myself from the thoughts?
Can I just Listen to music to drown out the thoughts?
Can I imagine a Stop Sign when having intrusive thoughts or worrying?
What about squashing thoughts like a bug?
If I think it, is it my unconscious mind trying to tell me something?
My Doctor told me that I just need one really heavy period for this anxiety to pass
My Doctor told me my Anxiety is due to not being breastfed
OCDbaltimore.com The OCD and Anxiety Center of Greater Baltimore
Facebook: @JonHershfieldClick here to read about how Mindfulness can help you.
We must come to accept that much of what we think is incorrect.
I want to introduce you to TWO words that could change your life and make you more present if you put it into practice enough.
Before I share the words with you, I want to encourage you to first get used to observing what you are thinking, feeling, experiencing.
It could be emotions such as sadness, anger, frustration, irritability etc.
It could be thoughts, such as "I am so angry- I am so upset- I am not getting better- I cant do this- I cant handle this- I am feeling hopeless......"
It could be sensations such as panic and anxiety-related sensations, increased heart rate, shaking, sweating, depersonalization etc
It could be sensations related to Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (Trichotillomania and Compulsive Skin Picking) such as tingling fingers, itchiness or throbbing.
Once you are able to notice and observe these experiences, I encourage you to click on the link and add these two little words to your narrative.Enjoy! I hope they bring you as much peace as they bring me. I have even added a short meditation to help you with this practice. :)
Chances are, you have done these behaviors a million times
They sound like this....“Just to make sure”
“I would prefer to be certain”
“I cant handle my anxiety if I don’t....”
“Terrible things will happen if I don’t.....”
If you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you might check doors, stove knobs, hair dryers, crock pots (new for those who watched the TV show, This IS us),
For those with Health Anxiety, you might check your ailments, sores, blemishes, degree of pain etc
For those with Perfectionism, you might check emails, texts, phone messages, assignments for school etc
For those with social anxiety, you might check Evite lists on who is going to an event, check your clothing or teeth in the mirror repetitively.
Checking is an attempt to control our surroundings in hopes to avoid possible bad things from happening. We might be avoiding the uncertainty of knowing if we will get sick or not. We might be trying to eliminate entirely the chances of the house burning down or being robbed. Or, we might be trying to eradicate any chance of being seen as anything less than perfect. We might be afraid of embarrassment.
But let's be honest!
The chances are, you are mostly just trying to eradicate THOUGHTS about these events. Or, maybe you are trying to eradicate the presence of anxiety around these topics.
I understand this conundrum. It is not uncommon to want to make sure you aren't going to burn down the house or miss a deadline or leave the door of your house wide open. We all do checking behaviors from time to time.
However, let's be really honest with ourselves. If you find you are doing these activities over and over, chances are that you are mostly in the fight against uncertainty….and let me let you in on a little secret. You won’t will this one. Fighting uncertainty is like trying to get a toddler out the door on time for school. The more you rush it, the longer they take. True story!
Some might say, but when I do it, after some time, I DO find relief. I get it. Some are lucky to find those moments when the anxiety is lifted and you can walk away with a sense of, “Ok. I can move on”
Listen to the episode to learn about how to work on reducing compulsive checking behaviors!
When it comes to anxiety, WE CANNOT CONTINUE WITH THIS. We must change the arm in which we are strongest.
And lets be honest. Uncertainty is all around us. It is something we have to deal with even if few don't have anxiety. It comes in every stage of our lives. Let's work to strengthen our ability to make space for discomfort in our lives.
As always, have a wonderful week!
Welcome back, everyone!
Welcome back to the Series on Problematic Anxiety-Related Behaviors.
Today, we are talking about Mindfulness-based tools to help with Reassurance Seeking.
For those of you who don’t think this topic applies to you, stick around a little. You might find that you are employing this behavior, even in slight and tricky ways.
As mentioned in the last episode, there are behaviors that you can reduce, which will result in better outcomes when it comes to anxiety. Last Week we discussed Avoidance and how this compulsion only makes fear worse. This week, as we mentioned, we are discussing Reassurance Seeking Compulsions.
So, What is Reassurance Seeking?
Before I give a definition, let me give you some examples and you can see if you resonate with any of these.
Am I doing this right? (Common in Perfectionism)
Did you turn off the stove? Did I turn off the........ (Common in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Are you sure everything will be ok?
Do I look ok? (Common in Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Eating Disorders)
You still love me, right?
Do you think I will fail this test? (Common in Perfectionism)
Do you think I hurt their feelings?
Do you think they are mad at me?Do you think I could get sick? (Common in Health Anxiety and Contamination OCD) Did I hurt someone? Could I hurt someone? (Common in Harm OCD)
Don't get me wrong. These are questions that I would consider “appropriate” questions.
However, the problem lies in their frequency and intention.
If you find yourself asking questions repetitively, or you find yourself asking these questions when you know they don’t have the solution/answer, it is probably Reassurance Seeking.
Also, if you find yourself asking these questions when you could be finding the solution yourself, this could be Reassurance Seeking.
And lastly, if you find yourself attempting to find certainty in a situation where there is little to NO certainty, this podcast is for you!
Reassurance Seeking is an action of removing someone's doubts or fears. Reassurance seeking is very common (and problematic) behavior in Anxiety Disorders such as OCD, phobias, panic disorder, Generalize Anxiety Disorder. It is also common in Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Eating Disorders.
That being said, it applies to us all, in our management of our own anxiety.
The goal is to recognize that we must not reach outside ourselves to remove our doubts and fears.
Drawing other into our anxiety usually only makes it messier and creates a dynamic where you feel reliant on them to manage your anxiety.
Also, Reassurance Seeking complicates relationships and can backfire. People may not give you the response you were looking for and cause you to have even more anxiety.
Often clients report that their partner sometimes is very supportive and answers their questions very well, but over time, then the partner gets annoyed and then it creates friction. Does this sound familiar?
The goal is to acknowledge your own fears as they arise, either allow them to simply be there using your mindfulness skills or work through them on your own.
Remember, treat your fears the way you want your brain to interpret them in the future.I hope that is helpful! Have a wonderful week.